One thing about having a complicated family structure is that it's complicated. In every family, there are unexpected events that shake up the home, unforeseen problems like job loss and sickness that derail all your plans. Even unplanned blessings like pregnancies and financial windfalls can pose challenges to the bonds you create in your family. For my family, having adult children and littles and grands, all at the same time, creates some interesting, exciting, and worrisome twists in life.

A couple of years ago, my son, the oldest moved out to Denver for work, about as far from Florida as you can get, in terms of distance, culture, heck, even weather. He's getting snow instead of hurricanes and I'm not sure which one I prefer. 

And we miss him. 

He visits, usually once a year. We talk on the phone and FaceTime a lot, and team up in Marvel Rivals a lot. But it's not the same as having him in the house, or around the corner. He moved out there to work in the public schools, as part of a diversity initiative. At first, it was a great opportunity, even if we worried about the culture shock and what kind of people he might be around out there. Admittedly, I don't know much about Denver except skiing and the Nuggets, so forgive my ignorance, but even though South Florida isn't perfect, there are pockets of the state where a mixed family can blend in seamlessly, and communities where Caribbeans flourish in business and culture. As for the other parts of the state, as Black Thought said, we know where all of the monsters is. Still, he's smart, patient, and, most importantly, a good man.

But we still worry.

Now my oldest daughter is moving to Georgia, and it feels like it's happening all of a sudden. It's not as far as Denver, but it feels like it. My daughter is white-presenting, but her fiancé and her two kids are brown and Black. One looks mixed, and the other - let's just say he didn't get much of his mom's DNA. We worry, will they be accepted there, where people don't know them, in places that have a history of racism?

Photo by Robert Thiemann on Unsplash

"I've heard of empty nesters, but this ain't that. We're losing bigs and littles at the same time, and keeping bigs and littles at home somehow."

And then there's the fallout for the littles. For years, they've had this odd relationship, auntie, niece, and nephew all around the same age, close enough to play together, even to be in the same class sometimes. They know how they're related, but they carry on more like cousins, and even siblings sometimes, even though it took some time to get all the names straight, like a couple of times when my granddaughter found out what happens when you slip and call your mom by her first name, even though your auntie gets away with it, and she's almost a year younger than you. Interesting times.

Less interesting ... having to tell the littles that we're breaking up the band, that this week is the last chance they get to play together. Sure, they had a great time together at the trampoline park (last minute change of venue from the zoo because of that Florida summer rain), but those kindergarten emotions ran so hot that there was at least as much crying as there was bouncing. And the worst part? I'm not convinced the reality has even sunk in yet. They were crying about everything except the move. I'm pretty sure that first FaceTime from Georgia is going to require some therapy.

No more sleepovers with all the littles.

No more trips to the zoo with all the kids and grandkids.

We have some of the most inconvenient birthdays ever, so we're probably not seeing them for birthday parties either. For example, my middle daughter was born on Christmas Eve. She might be the only one who gets everyone to come to her party. For the others, we might end up Zooming to backyard barbecues like we did during the Covid shutdowns.

What do people do when this happens? I've heard of empty nesters, but this ain't that. We're losing bigs and littles at the same time, and keeping bigs and littles at home somehow. What do parents do when their older kids move farther and farther away from home, into unknown places they don't love like home, places that might not love them back? Besides send money for emergencies and worry?

I don't want to worry. I want to believe they'll be just fine, but the country is changing so much and so quickly, how can I trust that a biracial family moving in the South isn't going to meet problems? I trust their decisions, but this is uncharted territory, both geographically and culturally. And for the first time, I won't be there to kick down doors or pick up kids. 

So I guess we'll have to manage our worries. We'll pray for them, like we always do, but, I guess, without the laying on of hands so much. We'll trust them to make good decisions out there, and to keep in touch, to visit whenever they can, but we'll also make ourselves available for (hopefully) good advice. We'll probably help them out with travel costs when they need it, just to get them back in town for a while. 

And who knows? Maybe the winds of chance will blow them back to South Florida with a tropical storm one summer. Maybe they'll get tired of the far country and come back home. Or maybe they've found a spot on earth to plant roots and grow, and that's good, too.